Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!





I want to state for the record, I am not a chef.

If I was ever to have a cooking show on the Food Network  I would be known as the Lazy Chef. No fuss, no muss, and no long winded recipes.

"Today's special will be a cheese sandwich. Take two pieces of bread. Take a slice of cheese. Place cheese on one slice of bread and the other on top. Done! Okay, if you want to get extra fancy, you can remove the plastic wrap from the cheese. "

I cannot roast, broil, baste or poach with any fancy utensils. When cooking, if it doesn't come in the freezer section, I move along. Sure, there are times I will purchase items in a bag, or a box but if it doesn't have a picture of microwave directions I know it won't be making an appearance at my table. In fact, if I tried to concoct a fancy meal, my guests would end up leaving en mass for fear of starvation. It takes me THAT long to even decide to cook string beans or peas? Chicken or Steak? Broil or bake? Fire extinguisher or emergency room?

I don't understand a lot of these kitchen gadgets, but oh, how I love to look at them. Their shiny enamel calls to me as I wander through the kitchen aisles in top department stores.

 "Omelets are easy," whisper the array of fry pans.

"Donuts are down right simple," cajole the bake sets and pans.

"Basting is beautiful," calls the ovenware.

I am seduced, and reach toward my wallet but then, all the way in the corner stands the microwave, rolling its digital timer in disgust.

"REALLY? C'mon. When was the last time you needed a souffle pan? Uh---let's see that would be--- NEVER!"

Shamed, I hang my head and go home. My microwave faces me toward my reality. We are in this together. I open the freezer and there is the easiest Chicken Marsala to make in the world.

3 minutes.

Voila!

 Dinner is served.

2 comments:

  1. Remove the plastic wrap from the cheeze? That's the best part. Makes it extra chewy.

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    1. actually I didn't want to be Anonymous. It is I Peter Nowinski. For more cooking humor head over to my fan club page which is on Facebook as Pete Winchester or Pete Winchester Fan club. Check out my Beanie Deanie recipie. Thanks for the reference to your brother. We will be hiring him for comedy real soon.

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